The sad news of recent family deaths overseas that was poorly imparted has once again reminded me of the importance of good manners in all aspects of our lives, but especially when it comes to communication.
In our go-go-go age, information moves fast...and frequently is improperly conveyed, as etiquette standards go. As so many of us live at least part of our lives tied to a computer or mobile device, it is crucial we do not let the technological overwhelm the human side of things. It seems to be too often forgotten that our interactions with others have an emotional side as well as a practical one. Bad manners seems to be the one thing I cannot deal with, I'll put up with quite alot (probably admittedly, more than I should!) but rudeness and impropriety send me over the edge. What to do? Write an ongoing series to share with those of you who are interested, of course!
So back to the proper way to communicate. I believe (I hope!) in a one to one or group setting, we all know that we are to give those to whom we are speaking our full attention (ie, not looking around the room for someone better to hang around with). Really listening is key, taking care not to monopolise the conversation or talk over someone just to have your voice heard. Remembering that some topics are not necessarily best discussed with strangers, and sometimes even with friends: religion, politics, money, these are potential minefields! Best to stick with contemporary events, the arts, the weather, subjects that most people are happy to talk about. Avoid being confrontational or overly inquisitive; no one wants to feel like they are being interrogated! And I hope it goes without saying, but lying, bragging, trash talking, and name dropping never win you points.
The trickiest area to navigate are our virtual connections. Email, chat, text, and telephone: technology we couldn't live without, but all too easy to misuse. All interaction is conversational, the same rules apply as in our face to face contact, but the lines are blurrier. Saying what we feel at the moment (regardless of whether we regret it a second later) has become second nature and can many times turn situations and relationships ugly. Most importantly it is vital that your inner geek not take over your life, causing you to ignore people in the real world! Bringing your mobile or PDA to dinner, drinks, or even to bed: not quite conducive to building friendships, business relations or partnerships. The real person should always take priority over the virtual one, unless the situation is urgent. Keep your ringtone volume at a reasonable level and please don't shout into your phone! Also handy to keep in mind, people can hear you; think twice before discussing something you wouldn't want anyone else to know.
Finally, use your discretion when conveying information via technological means. There are some things that require a phone call or face to face conversation. Never, (ever!) use an email or text when dealing with sensitive situations; such as a death, illness, loss or divorce/breakups. Try to avoid sarcasm or non-transparent humour, and be extra careful with making sure the right person receives your communique (there is nothing worse than sending your mother a text meant for your boyfriend such as 'last nite was amazing' or typing up a storm of bitchiness to Sally and sending it to Liz, who just happens to be the subject or your rant). And don't forget how they used to communicate in the olden days, via pen and paper. Receiving a card or letter from someone may seem old-fashioned but it screams class and really demonstrates care. In the case where a intimate conversation is required but not possible the written word via post is the only way to go.
Overall, try to treat others as you would like to be treated. There is more than enough vulgarity and negativity in the world. The truly stylish being strives to make others comfortable, is not self-absorbed or gossipy, and is never ever rude, to anyone. They are confident enough in themselves to be polite, and to treat everyone from the waiter to the CEO with the respect and kindness they would like to receive. Do your little bit to make it a better place!
Look for the next The Art of Manners post soon!
pictures by (in order of appearance:
http://victorian-vignettes.blogspot.com
http://www.gettyimages.com/
joyce ballantyne
http://media.photobucket.com/image/woman%20writing/forrestc/148.jpg?o=4
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