The Art of Manners: Part 1, Etiquette and Style

The sad news of recent family deaths overseas that was poorly imparted has once again reminded me of the importance of good manners in all aspects of our lives, but especially when it comes to communication.

In our go-go-go age, information moves fast...and frequently is improperly conveyed, as etiquette standards go. As so many of us live at least part of our lives tied to a computer or mobile device, it is crucial we do not let the technological  overwhelm the human side of things. It seems to be too often forgotten that our interactions with others have an emotional side as well as a practical one. Bad manners seems to be the one thing I cannot deal with, I'll put up with quite alot (probably admittedly, more than I should!) but rudeness and impropriety send me over the edge. What to do? Write an ongoing series to share with those of you who are interested, of course!

So back to the proper way to communicate. I believe (I hope!) in a one to one or group setting, we all know that we are to give those to whom we are speaking our full attention  (ie, not looking around the room for someone better to hang around with).  Really listening is key, taking care not to monopolise the conversation or talk over someone just to have your voice heard. Remembering that some topics are not necessarily best discussed with strangers, and sometimes even with friends: religion, politics, money, these are potential minefields! Best to stick with contemporary events, the arts, the weather, subjects that most people are happy to talk about. Avoid being confrontational or overly inquisitive; no one wants to feel like they are being interrogated!  And I hope it goes without saying, but lying, bragging, trash talking, and name dropping never win you points.

The trickiest area to navigate are our virtual connections. Email, chat, text, and telephone: technology we couldn't live without, but all too easy to misuse.  All interaction is conversational, the same rules apply as in our face to face contact, but the lines are blurrier. Saying what we feel at the moment (regardless of whether we regret it a second later) has become second nature and can many times turn situations and relationships ugly. Most importantly it is vital that your inner geek not take over your life, causing you to ignore people in the real world!  Bringing your mobile or PDA to dinner, drinks, or even to bed: not quite conducive to building friendships, business relations or partnerships. The real person should always take priority over the virtual one, unless the situation is urgent. Keep your ringtone volume at a reasonable level and please don't shout into your phone! Also handy to keep in mind, people can hear you; think twice before discussing something you wouldn't want anyone else to know.

Finally, use your discretion when conveying information via technological means. There are some things that require a phone call or face to face conversation. Never, (ever!) use an email or text when dealing with sensitive situations; such as a death, illness, loss or divorce/breakups.  Try to avoid sarcasm or non-transparent humour, and be extra careful with making sure the right person receives your communique (there is nothing worse than sending your mother a text meant for your boyfriend such as 'last nite was amazing' or typing up a storm of bitchiness to Sally and sending it to Liz, who just happens to be the subject or your rant). And don't forget how they used to communicate in the olden days, via pen and paper.  Receiving a card or letter from someone may seem old-fashioned but it screams class and really demonstrates care. In the case where a intimate conversation is required but not possible the written word via post is the only way to go.

Overall, try to treat others as you would like to be treated. There is more than enough vulgarity and negativity in the world. The truly stylish being strives to make others comfortable, is not self-absorbed or gossipy, and is never ever rude, to anyone. They are confident enough in themselves to be polite, and to treat everyone from the waiter to the CEO with the respect and kindness they would like to receive. Do your little bit to make it a better place!

Look for the next The Art of Manners post soon!


pictures by (in order of appearance:
http://victorian-vignettes.blogspot.com
http://www.gettyimages.com/
joyce ballantyne
http://media.photobucket.com/image/woman%20writing/forrestc/148.jpg?o=4

My Favourite Things, Part 1: Style and Sentimentality

I anxiously await my turn, dwelling endlessly in the crowded outer lounge of the chief muse of chic-topia, bestower of all thoughts stylish.  So what is one to do when the inspiration queue snakes indefinitely, assuring only one thing: that I will not be granted audience or fashion revelations any time soon.  I look outward, I channel the flaneur...and I wander, looking for the next evolution in my search for Style nirvana. I ramble luxuriously around the internet, in my books, through my makeup, about my garden, all over my town, inside my home, and (almost always) deep within my closet. And what is the purpose of these fanciful flights?  A quest to discover the new, as well as ways to renew the old.  Inevitably, I am always drawn back to my sentimental favourites; things that are comforting, endlessly inspiring and just so....me; my whimsical and fantastic Style self.


Style is more than anything, personal; a journey of mind and body. Just as the act of going about our lives changes us a smidgen at a time, our Style self evolves daily. Everyone and everything is an influence on your personal Style; who we meet, where we’ve been, what we’ve read, who we are always becoming. We mark our lives with it; beloved clothing and accessories become a part of us, their magic infuses us, brings us luck, love and happiness. 

Style makes our memories, fuels our dreams and desires, and allows us to be who and what we want. Like a celestial guardian, Style is there for us when we’re down and need a lift as well as always ready to raise a glass in celebration with us in good times. So grab your goblet and say Cheers!

                                                           ***********************
Here are a few of my sentimental, enduring favourites and daily must-haves.  What we love tells the world about us, what we wear proclaims our individuality -  what's your story?




(Please excuse the photo quality on these, having some technical as well as photo talent issues! I promise to work on getting them better, but am sacrificing quality for content!)

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                         Smelling heavenly: Faves are Chanel Cuir de Russie and Gardenia, Dior Addict, Tom Ford Black Orchid, Guerlain Insolence,Arpege, Prada Ambre, MyQueen by McQueen, and pure essential oils of Sandalwood, Rose, Jasmine, Violet, Vanilla, and Frankencense..






  The lovely Ms. Beansidhe (Boo) Beaglette and  the HERMES scarf my husband bought me for my birthday during our moving voyage to England aboard the amazing QM2! Everyone needs at least one piece of HERMES!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

My beautiful BLACKBERRY!  (even better when the perfect one is bought for you by a friend!)

My 'Magic Shoes' (vintage John Fluevogs' from Trash and Vaudeville in NYC, please excuse the puppy hair!) These come complete with the memories of: falling over in them during a performance by my band in New York, a crazy photo shoot day in London and wandering around lost in Paris. Stylish sentimentality does have its strange side!

                                
      




 Great Literature, crystal goblets and good wine an important part of my life/style!

A trench coat, beret, some pink, and my English garden!
                                                                    


I cannot imagine life without big black sunnies ...

and dark lippy!

I look my best when my adorable, patient, and talented musician husband, Gwydian Graves is by my side!

                         And of course, both starting and ending the days with a sleepy Boo completes me!


So, what  makes up my everyday style?   Converse all-stars, boots, tights, a wardrobe drenched in 95% black, never less than 50+ SPF suncream, ponytails and buns, tee-shirts, jackets of all types (military, fitted, trenches, motos and maxis in velvet, leather and suede), an endless array of scarves, hats, and leather gloves, trunks of costume jewelry, and always, the unexpected...what are yours?

Ah irony.

I started this blog in order to (under Zola's  famous advice to  all those who aspire to become great writers) write everyday.  Days one and two were easy, but day three had me stumped. So stumped that it's been over a month since my first two posts! So where's the irony? My planned topic for day 3 was… inspiration; which obviously, I do not seem qualified to expound on.  It has now been many, many days since I have pondered this topic, and I am still perplexed. Well, maybe that's the point.

            

 Inspiration is elusive, magical, fleeting, ephemeral, and at times overwhelming. It can come at the most inopportune moments, or not at all. It can be triggered by the most mundane of things, or require hours of contemplation.

It can be found in your garden, your closet, in the bath. Or even whilst watching telly, reading, or chatting with friends. A look from a stranger, the smell of your signifcant other, the feel of your pet's fur; all these potential moments of beautiful revelation.

The touch of the muse is evanescent, a momentary rapport with the universe. Treat it with respect, nurture the relationship and you never know where she will take you. Bon chance!

Just what DO you serve with Zombie???

I like themes. Though incredibly unorganized and most certainly one who flies through life chaotically, I still have weird little pockets of obsession for structure. All things in my cupboard must be just so, my closets separated by colour and fashion character, my shoes lovingly displayed, their proud heels perched precariously, their toes balanced as if by magic, breathlessly awaiting an appreciative footwear voyeur. So it should come as no surprise to you that I create cross-themes within my life, for example: film and food.

Tonight’s dilemma: mon amour has chosen one of his favourite themes for viewing, ‘the zombie’. Please don’t get me wrong, I like a bit of the undead as much as the rest of you and have spent countless hours discussing the escape route of each house we live in, just in case the zombie-pocalypse cometh. I feel quite prepared for the possibility: stay away from the windows, shoot ‘em in the head, etc. etc. But...when it comes to film and food nights, how does one accommodate the poor creatures? Surely, you can’t possibly serve Chinese, a chicken cassarole, or a roast beef? Perhaps lasagna, but that does seem a bit insulting, and we are all about the political correctness these days. I could never imagine spaghetti and meatballs with anything but 'The Godfather', and, for me, hamburgers or hot-dogs places limits on the nationality of the unfortunate beast, again so not PC. What is a befuddled hostess to do?

Retrospection and Reflection

I've been pondering lately. Ruminating on the minutiae of life and how much we miss whilst wallowing in the daily sturm and drang of it all. Thankfulness is key: for friendship and love, fun, our self-made families, fashion, art, beauty, food and drink, and our searches for fulfillment. Even in the midst of unhappiness and overwhelm, we need to remember what is important and continuously (and consciously) remind ourselves of all the good in our lives.

Here is my Monday morning thank you to the Universe:

Merci pour:

Our furry babies, having been woken up by my fantastic hubby with steaming hot tea (with sugar) in bed, being late for where I'm going and laughing instead of cursing about it, the comfort of Converse All-Stars, giant handbags, an overflowing closet, my blackberry, caring friends, the dream of a curry dinner and the promise of Spring.

More please!